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Tired of whiny haters, toxic gamers, salt shakers and easily-triggered special snowflakes on the Internet? The BUTTHURT CREAM will rub them the right way!
The competition can stick all ineffective ingredients (such as Nobelium, Uranium) up their [CENSORED]! The secret behind BUTTHURT CREAM's revolutionary formula, developed deep in the Siberian tundra, lies in natural, organic ingredients. No preservatives, no GMOs, no toxicity, no nothing!
You think it's the exact same cream as the regular one, just in a cooler tube and way more expensive? Think again! See this cutting-edge design? See these flashy green thingies? They make this version go deeper than NASA probes into the seventh planet from the Sun and work 1,000% better! (*)
The bottom line is that you'll help all haters leave their whining behind, and your mom will get rid of all those pesky 13-year-old admirers for good. 9 out of 10 CS:GO players recommend it. Try it now!
Does it work? You bet your a$$ it does!
(*) Some might say that 1,000% of 0 is still 0, but nobody cares about math.
DISCLAIMER: The packaging might differ slightly, so don't get butthurt over it.
No-life extract (ἀζωτικός) (78.09%), phlogiston-deprived chemical element (20.95%), lazy-ass gas (ἀργόν) (0.93%), the stuff used in electrical fire extinguishers (0.04%), ｅｖａｐｏｒａｔｅｄ ｄｉｈｙｄｒｏｇｅｎ ｍｏｎｏｘｉｄｅ (up to 4%). Fortified with soil samples straight from Uranus.
Works just as well, there's no need to get physical! Just send this link: https://i.imgur.com/iuLZozc.jpg to the friend in need.
* 13-year-olds can experience libido loss.
* The offending party might actually shut up.
* In extreme cases, the recipient might brutally violate your no-returns policy as there's a good chance your gift might not sit well with them.
* SOMEONE MIGHT GET RECT LOL
* The tube's design might be too cutting-edge.
WARNING: The advanced sealing plug™ is meant for the tube only.