There’s more to life than work, self-improvement, and continuous struggle for survival in a world we keep exchanging metaphorical blows with. There’s, for example, this whole ‘entertainment’ thing, which sometimes means participating in popular culture provided by artists and other people with a drive to create something for others to enjoy. But another facet of entertainment, coming closer to the original ludic function of human existence, is that of having a good time with people you like: a walk, a conversation, playing a game together or throwing a wild-ass mother-of-a-blow-out party. or, you know, a chill get-together. Whatever floats your wicked party boat.
Let’s dive into the realm of soft science fiction and imagine we could take a video game character out of their game and cordially invite them to come over, have a drink and have a little chit-chat with other video game characters at our place. With that imagined, let’s see which characters would be cool guests, and what they could bring to the literal or figurative table.
This is our ultimate guest list for a video game party. You may have yours’ but we have ours. And in alphabetical order it goes like this:
|From:||Final Fantasy VII|
Aerith doesn’t seem like a very intuitive choice for a party, but consider this: this gal has guts, gumption, even. Sure, she seems kind of meek at first, but she’s seen some stuff, and she wouldn’t be adverse to tell you all about it once she settles in at your party. She has a mean streak, though, so make sure you don’t get on her bad side.
Her flower business? It blossomed once she realized the weddings are a motherlode, so she’s loaded now!
Let’s not forget that she’s a healer, too, and given other people, we’re inviting, someone’s going to have at least a headache when they wake up.
Favorite drink: Sangria
Bayonetta may be the oldest person at most parties, but she doesn’t look a day over 30. She may seem a bit stand-offish at first, and she probably won’t play Cards Against Humanity with you, but you’re going to have a ton of fun watching her humorously squabble with Dante over who is more stylish and ridiculous.
She also has magic powers, so you know, maybe she could be persuaded to show some tricks.
Favorite drink: La Tour Eiffel
|From:||Mortal Kombat 10, 11|
|Contribution:||Obligatory social media updates|
Cassie had a messed up upbringing: her mother is Sonya Blade, a hardcore cop, and her father is Johnny Cage, an action movie star professionally and a really annoying smartass in his spare time. As a result, Cassie is tough as nails and really, really snarky.
She might seem quite abrasive at first, but she’d be fast friends with The Boss and Eb due to their general not giving a flying one anymore. She’s also a real social media star, and you can be sure she’ll try to get a selfie with everyone, sober or not.
Favorite drink: Long Island Ice Tea
|From:||Devil May Cry 1-5|
|Contribution:||The obligatory cool guy|
Dante is the type of cool guy that almost everybody likes, with a real silly streak which would liven the party during inevitable lulls. He’s not really attention-starved, but give him spotlight and there are equal chances of him having a poetry slam with Varric or grabbing your untuned electric guitar and starting to shred. He’s also the only one around who thinks Bayonetta’s stories make any sense at all.
Just don’t expect him to bring food or drinks—he’s always broke and, as he puts it, between jobs. If he passes out call a guy named Morrison.
Favorite drink: whiskey
Tidecaster Eb is an interesting mix of characteristics. Those whom she trusts know her to be a hardened veteran, but even they can’t deny her dry wit and the fact that she’s quite awesome. Her command over the tides makes her a natural at making drinks, and you could potentially persuade her to make an impromptu fountain without putting the carpet at risk.
She’s rather irreverent and doesn’t care enough anymore to hold her tongue, so she’ll be best buds with Cassie, and a wise choice if you need to handle someone’s bout of grandstanding. She’ll bring them down to earth in no time flat, and everyone will enjoy hearing it happen.
Favorite drink: moonshine
|From:||Assassin’s Creed 2(+ Brotherhood & Revelations)|
|Contribution:||The party can happen at his place, no problem|
Ezio is a treasure. Naturally charming and easy-going, he is going to be the life of the party, especially since he has no qualms offering his huge Italian mansion as the event venue, which means a lot of space both inside and on the stylish courtyard.
He might clash with Dante, but his down-to-earth approach is definitely going to endear him to other guests. Just don’t take it as a sign of weak character, or you won’t even notice when you’re passed out cold on cobbled streets after he throws you out.
Favorite drink: red wine
|From:||Mass Effect 1-3|
Garrus is just a swell guy, a real bro. He’s going to have pleasant chats with pretty much anyone at the party, but he probably will end up having the longest conversations with McCree, just two chill dudes with sharp eyes and good trigger fingers.
Since he comes with his own ride and couldn’t get anything he could drink, he’ll be happy to drop off other guests to their places. He also comes prepared in case somebody wants to play a game of skeet. Says it reminds him of good old times.
Favorite drink: some imported beverage he says you can’t drink
|From:||Beyond Good and Evil|
As an investigative photojournalist, Jade has plenty of cool stories to tell, and tons of photos of interesting places (and animals both cute and weird) to show for it. She’s a stubborn (or, as she’d put it: determined) and doesn’t take crap from anyone, but her investigative nature means she’s also going to probably be the only person at the party to actually try to figure out what going on if some conflict arises.
Just keep your fragile items out of her reach, because when someone angers her go-to weapon is a dai-jo staff with a decent reach.
Favorite drink: Midori Melon Bomb
|From:||Divinity: Original Sin 2|
Lohse is a natural artist: skilled with instruments and a good singer, she’s a great entertainer. She’s also like a hostel for stray spirits, so some guests may be baffled when she speaks with not exactly her own voice. She has her trusted party mix ready, but if you’ve got an instrument handy (and Dante hasn’t grabbed it yet) she can sing one or two tunes of her own.
She won’t be drinking, what with being pretty spirited-up already, but she’s fun nonetheless and can substitute for Garrus as a designated driver in a pinch.
Favorite drink: something non-alcoholic, please
|Contribution:||Really mindful of what time it is|
Jesse McCree might look like he’s a remnant of the American Old West, but that’s just his style. Don’t judge him because you can’t pull it off. He has a calming manner about him, hiding the fact that he’s the fastest hand in the West to take a shot. Must be that relaxed Southern drawl.
At his best McCree is great on New Year’s Eve parties because of his impeccable timing, but he’s also a really good choice when you have some schedule to keep during a party. At his worst, he’ll wake people up on 12 AM the next day, serving shots for everyone, as if that’s going to help.
Favorite drink: High Noon
|Contribution:||Drinks and party games (Underdome)|
Moxxi’s going to get the party going, although nobody can be sure she’s not going to look for the next spouse even while she’s preparing drinks alongside Eb. The direct Tidecaster might clash with a refined manner of Moxxi, but that might be the counterbalance both of them could enjoy.
She’s quite lovely to be around, but some more reserved guests might well consider her a bit too much. McCree is likely to pick up the traces of a Southern American accent if she slips from the usual affectation, which may become a point of conversation between the two.
Favorite drink: pomegranate mimosa with a few drops of tabasco
|From:||Saints Row 1-4|
|Contribution:||Can make the police ignore your party|
The Boss of the Third Street Saints is a rascal at the best of days, but there’s no denying he also knows how to party. Whatever you’ve got he’s probably into it, although he’s also going to make snide remarks throughout. That’s just the way he is. But if he likes you, he’ll always have your back.
Make sure he knows not to bring a +1, because in his version it ends up with having half a gang coming, but on the flip side, he’s loaded with cash and he can get you the best crystal…disco ball in town.
Favorite drink: everything you’ve got
|From:||Dragon Age 2-Inquisition|
Varric Tethras isn’t a liar, exactly, but that doesn’t mean you should believe everything he says. Given a willing ear he’ll spin the wildest tales of daring and narrow successes, and most of them being fabricated on top of a far more mundane real story. But golly oh boy, you’re going to have a good time listening to him.
The only alarming thing is that he always comes with Bianca. Which would merely be sort-of rude if it was a typical +1, but the alarming bit is that Bianca is a huge repeating crossbow, which needless to say poses something of a health risk. But otherwise, he’s a great guy with the best stories.
Favorite drink: rum
|From:||The Witcher 1-3|
|Contribution:||Mmkes sure nobody crashes the party|
Zoltan is an all-around nice fellow, with a healthy view of reality and an unstoppable drive to do good where it may actually help somebody. As a result, he’ll be the first to keep people out of trouble and diffuse any conflict that Jade was unable to solve. With fists, if need be.
He’s probably the heaviest drinker of the lot, but as a dwarf and a long-time drinking buddy of Dandelion and Geralt of Rivia he could drink everyone under the table. And then make sure everyone has their blanket. Just don’t ask where he got so many blankets.
Favorite drink: slivovitz (plum brandy)
That’s a list of people we would love to see pop out of the screen and have a party. Would your projected guest list have the same people, or would you pick a very different group of people? If you’re undecided, we’ve made sure to include a quick way to get their respective games and get acquainted before you pass judgments.