duke nukem news featured

What has the world come to?

Hollywood Reporter claims that the famous and for a time very memetic wrestler is in talks to star in a Duke Nukem movie produced by a studio of Michael Bay. It sounds a little bit unreal, but is apparently happening. Perhaps the most surprising of all is casting Cena as the Duke, a notoriously foul-mouthed, family-unfriendly jerk. It’s kind of contrary to Cena’s general image, but whatever, it’s alla theatre, innit? The one part that does make a smidge of sense is that Bay’s studio is going to produce it, because it anybody can handle the bombastic Duke, it’s Michael Bay and his people.

Why revive a fallen icon when the very thing he satirized has been dead for twenty years, I don’t know, but if we get a watchable movie out of this, why not. It won’t be worse than Duke Nukem Forever anyway.

As a bonus, here’s a bunch of Jon St. Jon-read lines you’d hear in old Duke Nukems.

Warning: strong language, not safe for work, let alone school. Also: recycled popculture pieces.